Hello Beautiful Souls- This is an excerpt of Chapter 30 of
My Soul Contract, A Teaching Memoir of Trauma, Truth, and Transformation
When I made the conscious decision to embark on this spiritual journey, I chose my support team wisely. Admittedly, my experiences were becoming more and more bizarre, and I didn’t share them for quite some time. I knew my tribe would continue to love and support me but sharing felt vulnerable. I simply wasn’t ready to expose the things I didn’t fully understand myself. I did know I had to trust the process and know that if I paid attention, the people who would support me were already placed on my path.
That realization was emotional gold!
The first vacation I took with my now husband and his family was in 1983. Two years out of high school and well ordained into his family for the better part of four years, I was not only in love with Russ, but I also loved his mother and father. The vacation was my first introduction to not only fishing, but the experience of a vast lake located in their families’ favorite vacation spot in Arkansas. Over the years we would repeat our annual trip creating more wonderful memories with just Dad A and finally carrying on the tradition with our sons. Russ has been going to his favorite lake since he was a small boy and I have spent the last 30 years falling in love with this beautiful vacation spot. During each trip, as we drove closer and closer to the lake, I watched with anticipation as the landscape began to change. The road narrowed, making it difficult for two vehicles to pass comfortably and it curves and bends and then there it is… a break in the trees allowing just a little peak of the tranquil blue water.
Peace and calm envelopes my essence. I am here, I am home. It is an energy I cannot describe, and it inhabits every single cell of my being. I can feel my shoulders release and my breath as it gets deeper and longer; I am calm. This is peace. This is joy and happiness.
This is family.
During one of our recent trips, as soon as we started unpacking there were 2 butterflies fluttering around all four of us. They were beautiful with blue and black markings and were quite methodical as they flew around each of us, up and down, all around, as if they were checking us out. I got the distinct feeling that my in-laws were greeting us, welcoming us back to our special place. I saw them again as we parked at the dock, we got our gear out of the back of the SUV and watched as they escorted us to the boat. They continued to fly around us on the boat, and they kept up with us until we left the no wake area of the dock.
I noticed them every day, they greeted us each morning and each evening. I greeted them with a silent hello acknowledging their familiar presence.
On our first day on the water, I commented on how much I love driftwood. With the lake water being extremely low, it had exposed all its buried treasure that had been hidden in years past. The resort we stay at uses driftwood in the landscape and I had mentioned how much I liked the detail and the look.
Wednesday came and we planned to go fishing. Each of us took a couple of rods and reels making sure we had plenty of options to catch the big one. I noticed that Russ grabbed a hatchet out of the back of the truck (I didn’t even know we had a hatchet in the back of the truck) I asked why we needed a hatchet and he said, “Never mind you’ll find out later.” I like surprises and although I couldn’t think of anything exciting that included the use of an axe, I know Russ enjoys surprising me, so I let it be. We fished for the first hour or so and before the temperature got too hot, we reeled in our lines and stowed away our rods. We trolled along the shoreline. I thought we were looking for a new spot to fish and then Russ said, “Well Mic, start looking for a piece of driftwood you like.” I looked at him and both boys and it dawned on me that this was the surprise. “Really?” I asked. Russ nodded yes and we trolled along the shore shopping for a good piece. I found one that looked like a picture to me and pointed it out on top of the ridge. The boys jumped in the lake, Russ handed them the axe and they swam to shore ready to cut away my very own piece of our favorite place. I was so excited and touched that my husband and boys planned this for me. I was concerned that we wouldn’t have enough room to get it home but Russ assured me that we would make room. As we approached the shore, I noticed a commotion on a flat rock just ahead of us. I couldn’t quite figure out what was happening until we got a little closer. I could not take my eyes off of the spot. As the boat floated closer, I was able to get a clearer view of what was in front of me. The surface of the rock was covered in butterflies, a colossal kaleidoscope of black and blue butterflies, exact replicas of the two I had seen all week. There were so many I could not count them all. I was overwhelmed with the beauty I was witnessing and then I heard a whisper, “They are all here for you.”
Without time to organize or make sense of what was happening, my immediate feeling was that they were family. Each family member’s spirit was represented as a butterfly on that rock. I scrambled for my camera. I wanted so badly to capture this beautiful moment. I stumbled around searching but I suddenly realized that I wasn’t supposed to record the experience digitally, I was to experience it spiritually. An inner knowing, meant for me to notice, to take into my heart. In these few seconds of unexplainable love, I stopped to breathe it in, to just allow the magic to seep in. I acknowledged each of them and watched as each one fluttered away.
I know they were there for me, for us. I was in bliss as an overwhelming feeling of pure love and support blanketed me. This was the first time an experience with spirit moved me to such depths. In that moment, I felt everything was as it should be, I felt understood, supported, and guided, and grateful to have the awareness to recognize and acknowledge the symbolism of spirit and witness their profoundly beautiful dance!