Hello Beautiful Souls- I have gratitude and perspective on my mind today. I’ve been feeling fulfilled in so many ways. In ways that are simple and quiet and beautiful. Physical stillness has presented its challenges but it has also offered a huge dose of gratitude for the previously perceived little things and the things I took for granted.
After two weeks of being stuck inside this house, one of my challenges was creating some uneasiness for me. I guess that’s a nice way of saying I was experiencing some anxiety. It was fear and I know that but just because I am aware of what to call it or I am able to recognize where it originated, doesn’t make the fear of learning how to use my crutches on the stairs any less daunting. When I first arrived home right after I broke my hip, I was still in quite a bit of pain and I stood at the stairs and realized even with my son’s helpful instructions that I was not going to be able to make it into the house on my own. While standing there searching for an alternative solution, I came up with some unique ideas of getting up the stairs without my crutches but all of them resulted in yet another obstacle, so I was carried into the house instead. Although grateful for my son’s help, it left me feeling scared. Scared because I have never been incapacitated, scared because I am not use to needing or asking for help in this manner and scared because of the words uttered by my doctor. He said that if I were to bear any weight on my right foot at all, I would most likely break the femoral neck resulting in surgery to repair it. After two weeks and two Sundays stuck inside, I started a little pity party for myself. Just a small one while I tried to muster up the confidence to tackle the stairs. I had all the support I needed, my husband would be right alongside me just in case I lost my balance. I watched YouTube instructions so I was well-informed but there was still that little voice in my head reminding me that I could fall and make things worse. I have worked so hard to get rid of that voice but here it was paying a less-than-welcome visit. I knew the only thing keeping me from attempting the stairs was my fear and if I let that win than I would remain stuck inside on all of the beautiful fall days ahead. I knew I had to get to work and replace my fear with a picture of what it would look like on the other side of the fear. The picture was the accomplishment of me sitting outside in the sunshine and making it back up the stairs and into my house with a positive result. So with support and encouragement and picturing it done, I was ready to tackle the challenge and put fear to rest. And I did it! It was the best medicine. Being outside, breathing the fresh air and feeling the sunshine on my face boosted my mood and encouraged my progress in healing to a new level.
After I changed my mind, changed my head chatter and pictured the positive outcome, I was able to change my mood, my outlook and my healing. I know in my heart that this time alone, this time is an offering to not only sit in my passion, but work on my passion. I know the time has been gifted to me and I am to use it wisely. It is completely normal to have moments of doubt, to struggle with stillness in any capacity and to question why things happen the way they do. We get to have all of this because we are human, we are energy with a consciousness. We get to experience the ups and the downs, the highs and the lows and to learn to face our fears and trust in the unknown. It all comes back around to what I already know, but we get pulled away once in a while because it is an old familiar operating system. The key is to not get stuck there for too long. Remember the new you and the choices you have. Choose love over fear. Choose gratitude over limitations.
Choosing stillness in my life meant learning how to meditate by getting out of my external world. Choosing stillness meant practicing mindfulness. Choosing stillness meant taking time for the things that brought me joy. Being told to be still is different. To be given an ultimatum puts it in a different perspective. My free will was being asked to stay still. Choosing to embrace this new stillness has resulted in magnifying the impact of what I perceived as simple.
I am grateful for my well-worn comfy couch where I spend most of my time. I’ve profoundly impacted the already-present divot and perhaps shortened the life span of the cushion but it holds me perfectly still while offering a front row seat to the magic taking place right outside my window. I sit on my couch, facing west and watch as the magnificent moon lights up the last of the night sky making its way toward the horizon. The leaves are drying out and changing color. The field corn and soybeans are crisp and ready for harvest. Soon the combines and tractors will be congesting the country roads all around me. I open the window and allow the aromas of fall to enter my home and settle in my being. Fall is my favorite season and October is my favorite month, it reminds me of nature’s perfect balance. A glimpse back at all of summer’s abundance and activities and a glimpse ahead into the harvest and hibernation. Crisp temperatures and soothing sunshine encourage last minute adventures before we are sent inside to escape the impending wintry cold. Perfect fall days offer a lovely invitation to put on my favorite sweater, grab a mug of warmth and wrap myself inside a blanket and a good book.
I am grateful for my yoga practice. It has provided the balance I need to perform daily tasks without assistance. I am mindful of this on a daily basis. My balance, my core, my legs and arms are strong because of yoga. All of which are needed for my daily routines. I am grateful for the balance yoga has offered for my mind, body and spirit especially during the last few weeks.
I am grateful for a small kitchen. I am grateful for my 9-5 job. I am grateful for my passion. I am grateful for my husband and my family and I am grateful for my tribe who checks in on me regularly. Their love and support and thoughts of healing energy for a speedy recovery are powerful elixirs for my soul.
Find gratitude for the simple things my friends and be well.