The Tower

Hello Beautiful Souls- It’s Wednesday, one week ago today, my family and I are gathered at our favorite vacation spot. A place where we are surrounded by a lake, vast and serene, boasting over 500 miles of shoreline and a landscape offering endless majestic views pulling us back time and time again with its beauty and home-grown southern hospitality. It’s like traveling home for me, a familiar feeling of peaceful mornings, fun-filled afternoons and relaxing evenings. It’s an angler’s paradise, an all-encompassing invitation for every water sport available and a peaceful get-a-way seducing us away from life’s routines.

As we cast our lines into the calm glass-like stillness, the welcoming rays of the day’s first light illuminate the fine mist as it dances off the fishing rod. The dawn’s silence is broken as the lure softly lands on top of the water, attracting the hungry schools just below the surface. Afternoons on the boat are filled with fun activities and often too much sun, burning our skin and warming our hearts. Tubing and floating, eating and laughing, enjoying each other’s company, the familiar joy we’ve yearned to mimic from year’s past. All of this followed by star-lit evenings, gazing out over the still waters, listening to the night critters chatter as the dew falls over the horizon. We are mesmerized as the day’s sun waves its final good-bye and shows off its inexplicable pallet of colors only accessible in the twilight’s transitional sky. My paradise. My family. My peace.

I am fortunate enough to have adult children who enjoy all of these things as much as Russ and I do. My husband has been visiting this lake for 50 years and he introduced it to me 38 years ago with his family. My oldest son introduced it to his girlfriend, now our daughter-in-law, three years ago so it appears that the tradition continues. It is my hope that future generations enjoy it as much as the past generations have, making memories and spending time with our favorite people, the ones we love and treasure the most.

It has also become a tradition to spend one full entire day on the water, start to finish, with some sort of water recreation. We’ve tried water skiing, wake-boarding and tubing. Tubing seems to be the most enjoyed by everyone. We pack a lunch and our gear, load up our smiles and anticipation and head out. The day starts when we and the sun rise and the day ends when the sun is ready to set down. We are guaranteed a good night’s rest with a full day of sun-kissed skin and water-logged bodies.

It is early and our plan is to go out to breakfast after early morning fishing. I chose to stay behind and slept in a little later than usual. My morning practice is an hour of meditation followed by a nice cup of coffee and a tarot reading. This morning, one of the major arcana cards I pulled is The Tower. I haven’t seen this card in a while and admittedly I’m a bit confused. It happens to be smack dab in the middle of the spread, anchoring my attention directly to it. I take into account all of the other cards surrounding it and start to read the story laid out in front of me. I routinely ask while shuffling and choosing cards, “What do I need to know today?” The story, as I read it, made sense as it outlines fulfilling my passions and desires with an emphasis on the ups and downs I will inevitably go through while navigating my new endeavors, but before that series of cards is a card outlining some childhood memories and then The Tower. I chalk it up to my past experiences and it’ nearly time to go so I call it a day. I put the deck away and I don’t think about it again until evening. That’s when it finally makes sense.

My son and daughter-in-law are the first to go tubing. We have a 2-person seated tube, we found this to be far more comfortable than the typical tube, the sphere-shaped inflatable that ultimately proved to be a bit taxing on the ‘ole back. My husband is driving the boat and my youngest son and I are seated in the back of the boat watching for any hand signals of direction, such as faster, slower, stop etc. and we can then shout the instruction to the captain of this vessel. Mr. & Mrs. Jr have a nice first run and now it is my turn. My younger son and I hop on and the boat moves slowly forward to straighten out the tow rope. We give the signal that we are ready and away we go. We are cruising along just fine jumping over, on top of and through the wakes. On cue, I get an uncontrollable giggle like a young girl on a carnival ride as we ride over each wake and get sprayed with lake water. We are headed towards the far right-hand side and there is a large wake waiting for our approach. As the wake gets closer, I know we are going to flip over and land upside down in the water. My life vest has my head up and out of the water before I can determine what has happened. I felt pain in my right leg when I hit the water and as my husband steered the boat closer to retrieve us, all three are asking for a thumb’s up. My son is fine and I think I am too except for this pain in my hip. As I dog paddle towards the boat, I feel pressure but nothing more than that. As I get to the ladder that extends off the boat, I place my left foot on the first wrung and as I try to put weight on the next wrung with my right foot, I realize the intense pain. But it also feels weird like a numb sensation when your leg falls asleep. I try again and confess that I am not going to be able to put any weight on my right leg. My incredibly strong (and handsome) hubby lifts me up out of the water with ease onto the swim deck. As I am seated, the pain starts to intensify and I begin to feel nauseous. My family is assessing the event and it is quickly decided that we need to get back to the resort. As we pull into the dock, the next reality hits me. I am not going to be able to walk off this boat. I cannot make the step that is typically very easy, from the boat to the dock. As everyone is scrambling around me and talking strategy, I am consumed with the next obstacle. Once I get to the dock, how am I going to make it up the stairs, climb the ramp and get into the truck? This is starting to feel very BIG. My youngest boy looks at me and says, “Ok, mom I’m going to put you on my shoulder and you are going to hang over and lay against my back.” I’m scared, I’m really scared, I know he is as strong as a bull and can do this, but can I? And I think this is going to hurt like hell, and it does. But that boy carried his mamma all the way across the boat dock, up the stairs, up the ramp and into the truck. No small feat. The ride back to our house at the resort was not fun. If you’ve ever experienced a partially paved road that leads to and from a boat dock, you know that they are generally in need of repair, are very narrow and very bumpy. I felt every bump. My son, again, put me over his shoulder and carried me inside our rental where I was triaged by my daughter-in-law. She has her master’s degree in physical therapy and assessed my injury with several gentle movements to my legs, putting my ankles together, moving my right leg in different directions and it was immediately decided by my family that the next course of action would be to find the nearest emergency room.

After X-rays and CT scan it is discovered that I have a fracture in my right hip, the greater trochanter to be exact. It is not displaced and the neck is intact, two positives in my favor. I am discharged with the promise that I will follow up with an orthopedic surgeon and not bear any weight on my right leg. We decide the next day that we will leave that night. This will get us home in time for an afternoon appointment that my husband has scheduled with his orthopedic surgeon on Friday. I am getting the distinct impression that my family believes I will need surgery and that the physician may even admit me right from his office. Thinking about surgery and having foreign objects in my body to hold my bones together is very upsetting to me. Just as upsetting is the thought of never walking the same again. I have an internal and external battle going on. While in the ER and enduring the 8 hour drive home feeling every bump and divot in the road, I had plenty of time to think about my options. If I am to honor my beliefs, my choice is to heal my body holistically. My family is well aware of my constitution involving these matters, but I am also picking up on the fact that they would be a lot more comfortable knowing I’m fixed with a few metal bolts and screws and some therapy because that would be easy and a choice they would make for themselves and I totally understand that easy would relieve many of their concerns. I understand it is hard to except someone’s choice to take the unconventional route, but I also know they will support me in whatever I choose to do.

I’m very happy to report that my husband’s and now my orthopedic surgeon explained that with my unique type of fracture, he would support the idea that I let my hip heal on its own!!! YAY! Victory! The doctor’s fear and everyone else’s fear is that I put weight on the right side and fracture the neck at which point, I would no longer have the choice of no surgery. (Well, I know I still have a choice but…) After hearing that, a great burden was lifted knowing I would be able to follow my healing by design with the support of not only my family but my surgeon as well. Oh happy day!

I think if you’ve been following me long enough, have read my blogs and understand my beliefs, you know that I am going to meditate the hell outta this. In fact, I began meditating on the way to the ER, going deep within, I started to visually heal the area in which the pain was the most intense. I meditated in and out of my drive home from vacation and into the next day. I believed in a positive outcome at the Dr. visit and designed a movie in my thoughts to benefit me and my beliefs and that is exactly what happened. I have been meditating every morning and sometimes twice a day. Well, let’s face it, I have plenty of time and this is how I’m going to mend this broken hip. The progress I’ve seen and felt within the past week is remarkable. My pain was an hands-down 10 out of 10 when I arrived at the ER and I am down to 2 doses of pain relief a day and I would rate my pain at a zero while still and only a 2 while mobile. I could barely make the six hour dosing intervals when first prescribed pain meds. As you may be well-aware, I am not keen on taking any prescriptions or OTC meds, so this is a big pill for me to swallow…figuratively and literally. I know without pain relief, I would cause my body more distress and I need this body to be as rested as possible for the greatest potential of healing to take place. So, for now, I take the pills and meditate and heal and manifest the outcome. Sixteen days from now, I go for another CT scan to measure progress and I am going to blow my surgeon’s mind with how quickly I am healing and he is going to walk in the room shaking his head not believing what he is seeing. He is going to tell me that he doesn’t know what I’m doing or what kind of magic I’m working with, but keep it up because it’s working.

So, you may ask, why did I choose The Tower, for my blog title? Because, as always the cards don’t lie. The Tower’s message is the following: Major Arcana card XVI, Destruction and enlightenment. The Tower hits us with sudden change. This is inevitable and due to forces beyond your control. The walls, the foundation, as you know it, come tumbling down. In the moment of destruction, everything is illuminated. Now you can see inside the tower and see how you built it. Now you can experience a flash of deep insight. With the tower gone, you can begin to sense how the future might evolve. What you build next can have more foundation. You can only surrender to the huge shift in awareness it offers.

From the moment my injury was diagnosed, laying in the ER, I remembered the Tower. It all made sense and I had to laugh as this card danced in front of me not realizing its significance earlier. Not that anyone invites an accident or pain or hurt into their lives and I wouldn’t wish this on anyone but I knew it was happening FOR me. This injury will invite something new into my life and illuminate a shift for me. This will lead me towards a greater knowing and greater understanding of self. It has already tested my beliefs. Will I have the nads to do as I coach and advise? It’s easy to get personally fired up with the cures I’ve experienced practicing healing through meditation especially since I’ve had success with what would be considered small triumphs. I’ve healed bladder infections, muscle strains, back issues and cured a 28 year chronic hemorrhoid issue. How believable am I to my clients with what could be perceived as a possible coincidence? I invited this way of thinking years ago, knowing I have a choice. Experiencing the difference between simply being alive and living. I can choose to be a victim and watch my life unfold as if out of my control (which simply attracts more of the same negativity), or I can choose to be a warrior and participate in my life and I can even design a purposeful, meaningful, intended outcome. All I have to do is plant the seeds, water and nurture them, warm them with lots of love and sunshine, breathe life into them and wait. It’s all energy and changing matter. It’s simple physics. The energy you put out into the universe is what will be attracted back to you. All I have to do is let go of the attachment to the outcome. The important part of that last statement is, attachment. You cannot expect an outcome to look exactly as you pictured it, in fact, it probably won’t, but in its peculiar way, the universe will send an answer and it will surprise the hell out of you. In fact, ask the universe to surprise the hell out of you because if it comes in a way you’d expect, you’ve already placed your attachment to it.

All of us are only one second from falling to our knees. In a moment, our lives change, we are redirected and our foundations are questioned. We have choices, we always have choices. Do the hard thing. The hard thing, for me, has proven to be the right thing, tested and proved, over and over again. Easy is familiar, easy doesn’t change a thing. Easy doesn’t challenge us. Easy doesn’t teach us. Easy certainly doesn’t grow our mind, body or our souls. The lessons and value come from choosing the hard things and to trust your inner knowing, your gut, and surrender to allow so that when the answers are standing right in front of you, you recognize them. This is a practice, a mental training and a redirecting of familiar behaviors.

Dreaming the possibilities. Designing and remaining curious. Healing and believing. Receiving and accepting abundance.


Micki xo

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