Hello Beautiful Souls- As is so often the case for me, I am inspired to write about my experiences. My intent is to share the imparted wisdom of the beautiful souls I share time and space with. Today I am inspired to blog about grief. That highly emotional, heart-wrenching battle we experience sometimes too often in our lifetimes. When we talk about grief, most often, we are talking about the loss of a beloved someone. As a community, we have been conditioned to believe certain things about death. And most often this societal way of thinking or this conditioning, if you will, allows an acceptance based on the age of that special someone that we are grieving over. If someone has lived a long life or if someone has lived a fulfilled life, or if someone has suffered a painful death, we allow ourselves to be more accepting of their passing. At the other end of the spectrum, there is an eternal struggle within all of us if we’ve suffered the loss of a child or someone who has left us far too soon.
As a collective we are learning more about grief and embracing and accepting a new understanding. The stale belief that one needs to get over their loss, is being replaced by a much more loving and supportive belief that one never gets over their loss, but rather understands that their loss, their grief changes them forever and becomes part of who they are.
Brene Brown, PhD, MSW, writes in her latest book, “Atlas of the Heart,” about grief. She quotes a grief expert, David Kessler, “Each person’s grief is as unique as their fingerprint. But what everyone has in common is that no matter how they grieve, they share a need for their grief to be witnessed. That doesn’t mean needing someone to try to lessen it or reframe it for them. The need is for someone to be fully present to the magnitude of their loss without trying to point out the silver lining.”
After reading this, I recognized that I’ve been guilty of sharing my beliefs in an attempt to offer a silver lining. I now understand that it was the shear discomfort of witnessing someone I love in the trawls of grief knowing that all I really wanted was to make the burden of their pain go away.
No one escapes grief. In my own experience, almost a year later, I am in the emotional trawls of grief. I am able to recognize that while I was keeping myself busy in an attempt to ensure the emotional stability of everyone else, I put my grief on hold.
I am learning more about grief and how it extends to more than a loss of someone in our family whether that is a person or a pet. We experience grief or mourning in many aspects of life and loss. This includes mourning the loss of something that is invisible to others. As described by Tashel Bordere, this type of invisible mourning can include the loss of a job or career, loss of a parent or a partner due to divorce, loss of an unborn child due to infertility, and the multitude of losses experienced by a survivor of sexual assault. Other invisible losses included is the loss of one’s worldviews, loss of trust, loss of self-identity and self-esteem, loss of freedom and independence, loss of a sense of safety and security and the loss of sexual interest.
I’m sure many of you can relate to these emotional losses but have you ever related to the emotional aftermath as grief?
Yesterday, I shared space with a group of seven women including myself, five of whom I did not know prior to our gathering. I felt a connection with each one of them as we shared our life experiences and spiritual worldviews. What each of us shared was deep-rooted in personal healing. What I know is that each one of us felt supported and loved as we opened up in this small group of accepting souls. Each woman shared an insightful expression of what they knew to be their truth. The afternoon turned into a connection of storytelling and story catching. The power of healing was palpable as this group of strangers transformed into a group of loving support for one and other. One woman, grieving the loss of her daughter, apologized for taking up so much of our time with her stories. We all reminded her that there was no need to apologize. In that moment, I realized how important it was for this mom to share her daughter with us, to keep her memory alive, and to honor her life. I knew we were fully present for her. I felt honored to be a part of the gathering and my hope is to be part of more gatherings that invite vulnerability, truth, awareness, raw openness, and connection.
I’ve stated over and over in this blog to stay curious. Passion fuels curiosity. Curiosity invites learning and learning helps teach the next one in line. As I think of this, a visual comes to mind. I am on what appears to be a life ladder. My right hands extends to hold the hand of the person on the rung just above me. The person above me is holding hands with the person above them and so on. My left hand is holding the hand of the one just behind me on the rung below and they are holding the hand of the person on the rung just below them, and so on, and so on and so on. We are all students and we are all teachers. We are all connected and we are here to grow our souls.
I am in constant awe of what this life brings to me. There is a lot I don’t know but what I do know is that there is no magic elixir, no magic words, and no magic offerings to lessen our grief. Grief is a personal process, unique to each and every one of us. All we can do is hold space and offer others our grace through an empathetic hug, an “I see you” smile or an ear to simply listen.
We all have rituals that help us connect to a divine entity. There is a higher consciousness and a higher power. There is something that created us and I don’t care what you call it. Call it God, call it Source, or call it the Universe, or something entirely different.
Archangels are high ranking angels and I ask for blessings from a few of them each morning. Perhaps if you are struggling, you can include the following in your prayers.
Archangel Raphael, I ask that you bring healing to my family, friends and loved ones. Allow each of them to find peace within their hearts and minds for their best overall health and well-being.
Archangel Azrael, I ask that you help me and my family and friends through our grief. Help to bring peace and serenity to our hearts. Help us to move forward while honoring the lives of those we’ve lost and surround us with a tranquil balanced energy.
I ask for these blessings with a broken heart, a grateful spirit and a loving soul.
Honor yourself. Ask for help. Allow yourself to be heard and held.
Stay curious and be well my dear friends.
DDBR
Micki – xo