See Me

See Me

Hello Beautiful Souls- The next few chapters outline a few different experiences I have had while in peaceful moments connecting with my inner child. I have had many but these were some of the more profound moments that stick with me. The first experience was during a small group meditation a few years ago. The setting is intimate, just a couple of women in the early morning hours. I am able to get into a deep meditation very quickly and I see myself walking towards a small child.  As I get closer I recognize her to be my 4-year old self. I am able to picture her exactly how I recall a favorite picture that my Aunt took of me years ago that she developed in sepia tones. (She was and still is a gifted photographer) My hair is pulled back in a pigtail and I am wearing a white and brown pinafore with a white blouse, white anklets and a pair of white scuffed-up Mary Janes. She is wearing her favorite dress skipping towards me, her pigtail swaying side to side. As she gets closer and stands in front of me, I notice she is holding a small box. She stops abruptly and extends her arms out in a gesture to offer the box to me. She is smiling a sweet angelic smile. She gives me a hug and I know I am to open the box. As I pull back the lid and lift the cotton covering, I am able to see the objects inside. It is a set of keys, but not just any set of keys, there are 3 keys on a ring and each one is beautifully and intricately carved. As I look to my 4 year-old self, I know in an instant the significance of the gift. She is nodding in acknowledgment as I make the connection. She has both of her hands on top of her heart and she is smiling.  I am holding the keys to US, to the present me and the child me.  I have the keys to unlock the mysteries of my inner child. An invitation to dive into the depths of my childhood stories and open a space in my heart to see her heart. A glance back in time to connect to innocence. I give her a hug and hold the keys to my heart in gratitude.

Spring 2017- My yoga teacher asks the class to look around the room and picture everyone as 5 year-olds, she instructs us to be fearless, be creative and be playful. Previously, I had been focused on some inner child work so I decided to set an intention to be my 5 year-old self during the entire class and surround myself with a class full of 5 year-olds. The class was so much fun, I had no expectations and I found myself smiling a lot. I pictured myself as the girl in the “Aunt Patty” picture. The same picture mentioned previously, the same “child me” I picture during meditations and the “me” I picture when I need to connect to my inner child at any time. While in our final resting pose or final savasana, I experienced a breakthrough while Amy, our yoga teacher, led us through a post flow meditation. She had us walk in a field and in the distance see our 5 year-old self. Walk towards her. Picture the clothes she is wearing, touch her hair and pull her towards you and give her a hug. Tell her she is loved and cared for. Then let her run and play. While I was embracing the child mentality, I remembered the times as a child I would do something to get my parents attention and say, “Look at me.” and then as soon as I got their attention, I would become shy and all at once want them to NOT look at me. At that moment, came a breakthrough. All this time I had labeled the desire to be seen as something that was negative, like an egocentric adult attention-getter. But in that moment in yoga, I realized the need to be seen is the innocent child, the creative playful me saying, “Look at me,” out of love not fear, out of confidence, not judgement, out of playfulness, not shame. It was a truly amazing feeling for me and I lay on my yoga mat once again feeling the tears of gratitude run down my face. I thanked my inner child for the answer I needed. I sat up and gave gratitude for my practice. When I stood up, I thanked Amy for a beautiful class. She came over and hugged me and said, “I love you.” That made me cry even more and as I told her,  “I love you too,” I could see the girls on either side of me looking as if to say, “Did we miss something?” and all I could think is, Gosh, I hope not!! Namaste.

Summer 2018- Morning meditation. I see a little girl with her head down looking distraught, as if she needs me to help her. When I start to walk towards her, she lifts her gaze slowly while keeping her chin to her chest, her eyes piercingly cold, she looks evil, like something out of a horror movie. It scares me and my first reaction is to walk away, which is what I would have typically done, (walked away from fear, act like I didn’t notice it) but I knew she needed my help. I stood in front of her and as I did I opened my heart. I opened my heart energy until it was so huge that it filled up the room. I took a ladle and started scooping up the love from my heart and I poured it on top of her head. Each time I poured, I watched it cover her body. And each time I poured she changed a little. I kept pouring and watching her transform until she softened. No more evil. She looked like a sweet innocent beautiful child. She was no longer fear- she was pure love. When the transformation was complete she looked at me and smiled and then she climbed into my heart.

I share these experiences to introduce the importance of connecting with your inner child. Through my spiritual work, I have been able to ask for her guidance and connect with the greatest expression of myself as the innocent, creative, fearless, bouncy, happy child that holds the key to some of my greatest mysteries. Through quiet reflection and meditation, she has shown me the times I was hurt and revealed the wall I constructed to protect myself. I was able to see the barriers and remember significant events that shaped who I was.  Eventually, this allowed answers to initiate inner growth and understanding to transform myself into who I am today. I consider the breakthroughs I’ve experienced as the most significant parts of my transformation because I have been able to identify my current emotional triggers directly to past childhood experiences.  I believe it is imperative to interact and connect with your inner child, it will be one of the most valuable and beneficial relationships you ever have. Invite her in. Invite him in.

Be Fearless. Be Curious. Explore.


Micki xo

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