Hello Beautiful Souls- These past three months have been therapeutic and relaxing. It has gone slow and very fast all at the same time. Time is funny, we hang everything on time, don’t we? Time is significant and important and it steals our attention. I literally sat idle and watched September fade away as I waved good-bye to the end of summer. October, my favorite month of the year, came waltzing in and I watched as snow fell on limbs still hanging on to their summer leaves, bending branches and challenging us to find our winter boots, gloves and scarves. A couple more weeks pass and the trees painted a majestic new landscape and I watched as the leaves dried up and fell to the ground leaving a blanket of browns and golds and crimson and burnt orange. November prepared us for the inevitable, while a few leaves still cling to tired branches, the view outside my window has changed to bare and grey and dull. I can hardly believe it is December and crazier still is the realization that Christmas is eleven days away. The tree is up, the music is playing and the ground is cold. I am ready for the white stuff to blanket the fields and outline the bare branches while I watch the moon reflect off its mesmerizing, glittery glow.
I’m ready and I’m not ready. Mixed feelings as I look towards Monday returning to work and my usual responsibilities. I will be able to drive and resume my 40 hour work week along with resuming my household chores. The chores that for the past 12 weeks my husband took over with no complaints while humbly filling up what little time he had left in his week to make sure the house was clean, our clothes were washed, the fridge was full and we were fed. All things that opened my eyes to all the tasks that we just do, never really questioning, just doing. It was difficult to watch as all the responsibilities I was able to do so easily were suddenly an inconceivable task. The mental challenge proved to be more difficult than the physical restrictions at times feeling the guilt of transferring responsibilities to an already overloaded hubby. I am ready to embrace my routines with a different perspective and allow myself time; and by time, I mean patience.
It will be another challenge to give up my days that I have successfully filled, leaving little time to feel bored. The first 8 weeks were easy. I filled every day with my passion for writing which proved to be heaven sent during this time of immobility. Within a twelve week time frame, I went from having to be carried, to being pushed in a wheelchair to learning how to use crutches to currently using a cane. In time and with added awareness of how my greater trochanter healed, I will eventually build enough muscle strength so I can ditch any and all ambulatory assisted devices! I went from knowing I needed help to learning to ask for help. I think this is a tough one for all of us but a good lesson to embrace. There is nothing wrong with asking. We are so quick to help each other and offer our assistance so why is it so difficult to ask? We are right back to addressing our vulnerabilities. If this event that landed me on the couch for 12 weeks would have happened a few years earlier, I would have handled it in a way that would not have been conducive to my healing. I would have used my energy and filled my time indulging in my old habits and negative head chatter. I believe and I know that everything happens not only FOR us but also in divine timing. I needed this time. I deserved this time. I accepted this time. I honored this time. I am grateful for this time.
I had to learn to trust my body in a whole new way and trust in my message of self-healing in a big way. This journey, I chose, comes with never-ending big stuff in big ways. I remember in the emergency room after hearing the doctor confirm that I had broken my hip, realizing my work had only just begun. I knew I could self-heal, the real work ahead was surrendering and making sure my family understood my conviction to carry on my journey and honor my truth. I soon learned how to set my foot down, without fear, and stand on my own two feet. (Another metaphor for life that has spoken to me in countless, reverberating ways.) Learning to progress in my mind and to envision my healed hip before it became a reality and constantly repeat to myself with every proverbial foot step, “New body, new mind, new body, new mind,” and then to hear from the doctor that my hip bone had totally healed and all I had to work on was restoring the strength in my muscle…that was validation of how powerful the mind and the body truly are!
Admittedly, having to use a cane made me feel like an old lady until I remembered my yoga practice and the use of props. The cane doesn’t say, “I can’t do this,” but rather offers assistance so I can climb to new heights and know that, “I might need it today, but I am building to trust that perhaps I will not need it tomorrow.” I am able to look back at the progress I’ve made weekly and be in awe of this incredible body that with the help of an insatiable mind-set to be healed fully, I will resume my routines with a whole new outlook and an improved inner peace that sits in my spirit and is coursing through my veins and that which I will bring into my every day life and use to my advantage to address the struggles that will be in front of me.
What an amazing ride it’s been. This beautiful invitation to grow in unexpected ways and to honor the unfolding that has taken place. I have so many in my treasured tribe that came forward with well wishes for a speedy recovery and they visited bringing with them, gifts and smiles and comfort and support. I have the best of the best offering help, bringing me to physical therapy and helping me grocery shop, sitting with me, eating with me, toasting with me, laughing with me and loving me. I am grateful for my family and my friends for their countless check-ins, text messages and emails. You all mean the world to me and I know you are my solid foundation that support my hopes and dreams, my crazy ideas and unconventional beliefs and all of my future goals and ambitions. I am grateful that you’ve stayed to walk along-side me and continue to hold my hand, but most of all, you’ve held my heart within yours and that is the best gift of all.
Wishing you all a season of health and well-being, love and companionship & friendship and laughter!
DDBR- Micki xo