Brick by Brick

Hello Beautiful Souls,

“You must give up the life you planned in order to have the life that is waiting for you”   ~ Joseph Campbell

Healing into my future-It’s a process, a practice and a passion…it is continuous work. Not going to lie, it’s filled with struggle, fear and self-doubt and it is THE HARDEST AND MOST IMPORTANT AND AMAZING THING I’VE EVER DONE! (Aside from being a mom that is) It has proved to be my bravest endeavor allowing a blissful state of being.

“Let it go” may work for some people, but for me I feel I deserve to understand the “whys” as to the struggle I am experiencing then I can let it go.

I hit a wall. It was the brick wall I had been constructing my entire life and there it was right in front of me. With no easy escape, I could neither climb over it, walk around it or dig beneath it. The wall had gotten too big, too ferocious and too vile and the only way was through it. Essentially it became crucial for my well-being to gain all of the insight and knowledge accessible to me.  I started my crusade armed with that knowledge and started taking down the wall brick by stubborn brick. While engaging in this battle I made myself a promise. I must identify each brick and understand the mortar that held it together. Each brick represented an event that caused pain, the mortar was the story I created and believed that held it all together. Disintegrating each toxic belief, I inherently knew I must sit in all of its rubble if I am to transform. I acknowledge that the work to be done will be emotionally exhausting yet I am simultaneously energized by a light shining brightly just on the other side of the wall; it  matches the light shining deep within and I know I can get closer to it, I reassure myself to keep dismantling the wall.

So the process begins-This is the work, the digging and the understanding. There is no pill, no quick fix and once you’ve started this journey there is no going back. Only forward momentum propels us to the next level of our spiritual growth. You will put the old you to rest, the parts that are no longer serving you. These are your instinctual, go-to habits. A strong dose of self-love, forgiveness and gratitude are much-needed ideals throughout this journey. Through my journey, I have discovered the underlying foundation for my existence, my purpose if you will. I am continuously encouraged to follow my passion and share all that I have learned. My breakthroughs and the validation of healing that have occurred after adopting this practice is nothing short of solving one mystery after another!

Growing up I felt loved and cared for, all of my basic needs were met. We traveled and I experienced a full and happy childhood. My parents did the best they could with what they had and as I would discover later, I simply needed more.  We had our differences like most families, but we didn’t deal with the hard parts, not at all, not even a little. What mom and dad said went and we didn’t question it and this lasted well into my adulthood. I am past the point of accusing, I am simply stating how it was from my point of view. If you ask 3 different siblings from the same family about their experience, they will be alike in many ways but vastly different in many more. We have different souls, we are on different journeys; our perspectives, our “take-aways” create a different experience.  It wasn’t until I met my now-husband and his family that I learned that I could and was actually invited to share and discuss differences, much to my discomfort. At the end of a heated debate or argument, a hug and a kiss were shared and at the least we may have agreed to disagree but everyone had a voice. I always felt seen and heard, loved and respected in my husband’s family.  My own families’ issues or problems were swiftly swept under the rug. We were shown by example to act like problems don’t exist and put on a happy face. This is how I learned to bury and stuff my feelings. A child’s perspective or thoughts were not relevant. This was cultural behavior, I don’t believe my friends experienced anything too different but then again we didn’t discuss it so I can only assume. I was left to assume a great deal actually. This entire construct is confusing when you’re 5 or 11 or 17 or 45!!! Generation after generation felt it was far more important to keep up appearances rather than risk being discovered as having any dirty laundry or admit that we are far from perfect. I think that is why I developed an insatiable appetite to learn as much as I could to encourage my growth. What I found was a connection to the answers that now made sense. The spiritual leaders I was following had a collective knack for communicating it to me so perfectly.  Stoking the fires of interest within until it had become my mission for self-mastery.  In fact, I soon learned that my only mission was to unravel the mysteries of ME !  My determination and experience in adopting tools with which I use to practice personal healing is the foundation of my passion to share. My hope is to inspire you to be well in all concentrations of the mind, body, soul and spirit. I found the light within and my deepest desire is to help you find yours. One spark at a time until it is an inferno that spreads to the next person and the next and the next. We are a work in progress and we all yearn to be whole!

This practice is another advance to travel inward and recognize familiar patterns that no longer serve you.

Start noticing your wounds, the bricks that make up your wall. Start asking your own important questions. Keep asking and go farther and farther back to discover a time you felt the same way that triggers you today. These are individual experiences that only you can pull up. Find a quiet place and start a conversation with yourself. Choose what works best for you either speak out loud or silently to yourself. This is a deeply private process. Expose your heart and be honest. For me, I have no better way to describe the moment a breakthrough comes than to simply feel a whole body release accompanied by an instant understanding and a lot of tears. When I recognize an answer and recall the event that resulted in a painful experience, I can make the connection from the old event to the new event. My reaction is the same. From the outside they look different but the ego defends the same wound. This is a peeling back, a dive inward towards understanding so that when you are triggered today, you recognize it instantly enabling you to choose a more loving reaction. The key is to recognize the familiar, perhaps saying something like, “Oh, I am SO on to you!” I know what this is, it is familiar but today I choose a different reaction. Your environment, the people and circumstances in your life are constant tests, providing an opportunity for growth. Growth comes from change.  The fork in the road, the time you choose right or left, trust that the path you choose is exactly where you need to be. If a similar event lands you back in a similar struggle and often times when it returns it is bigger, I would suggest more attention is needed. If the wound is continually ignored, it will come back to you bigger and bigger until it can no longer be ignored; keeping you in long term stress and ultimately resulting in a physical malady. Our bodies can manage stress for the short term. If we remain in stress for the long term, it continues affecting our bodies and soon enters emergency mode and is asking for management and attention. Stress is an addiction and like all addictions, requires more and more to get the emotional high the body has come to expect. One of the emotions I had conditioned myself to believe was that I was insecure. Once I became aware of my insecurities and the stories that supported them, I was able to coach myself to behave without insecurities. Will you surrender to the unknown or choose the familiar narrative? Can you recognize your programs and acknowledge a need for change in your body, mind and spirit introducing balance in your life?

Try this practice, notice the moments of clarity and truth for you. If you experience a breakthrough, answers to some of your own questions offering evidence for transformation, please share.  If you have questions or need further explanation, please reach out to me in the comments section or via email.

Beauty lies within the discovery of self.


Micki xo

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