Hello Beautiful Souls,
Last week I celebrated what will be the last year of my sixth decade of this beautiful life. I made sure that I spent ample time reflecting on the growth I’ve experienced especially during the last few months.
I am a self-described student of the life I’ve discovered.
That wasn’t always the case and I certainly was not what you would call a good student. Academically, through my K-12 years, I got by with decent passing grades, but I know I could have done better. I can still hear my parents reminding me that I was smart, I just needed to apply myself.
They were right.
I didn’t apply myself and if I am completely honest, school was more about the social aspect than the academics. I was bored with the subjects we were taught because they simply didn’t interest me.
I could not imagine paying for college and I could never quite understand why traditional college curriculum required general education classes. Didn’t we just have 12 years of that? Seemed redundant. I was perfectly happy with my future aspirations of marriage and raising a family.
Fast forward to present day. I became interested in furthering my education in areas that were quite specific to my interests. I enjoyed the option of taking a few classes here and there to learn more and earn certifications once completed.
I believe it is healthy to continue learning and I intend to do so as long as I am drawing breath.
Challenge upon challenge upon challenge
The past year proved to be one of the most challenging learning curves I’ve experienced in quite a long time. If I thought turning years of my personal journals into a teaching memoir was a challenge, and if I thought exposing my life was a challenge, it was nothing compared to publishing said memoir.
I am proud to say that I did a great deal of research on both traditional publishing routes and self-publishing options before making my big decision. I knew both would take a great deal of patience, but I definitely liked the idea of self-publishing more.
After choosing confidently to self-publish, I began reading and listening to an array of indie authors share their experiences. Their guidance helped me choose the best options to suit my personal needs.
Even though I had all of these valuable resources, tips, and tutorials, it still proved to be an extreme challenge. A challenge that had me throwing my arms up in frustration wanting to quit. At the height of my irritation, I was working with an out-of-date computer. My software was no longer supported and I was unable to finish formatting my book. I had my credit card out, ready to either hire someone to finish it for me or purchase a new computer. I didn’t care anymore, I just wanted to be done.
I wanted to be a smart consumer, so I asked my son for his help. I explained why I needed a new one and he gave his recommendation.
He also offered to help with the formatting issue and maybe spare me the cost of a new computer on that day. With his extraordinary patience, he was able to address the formatting issue and return it to me complete. He gave his mama some much-needed breathing room. And, what I consider to be equally important, he gave me a gift of knowing it was done correctly and within budget.
And then I remembered.
I remembered how many times before I just wanted to be done. I wanted to stop having to work so hard. I wanted to stop having to try so hard. I wanted someone to put their arms around me and tell me they would do it for me. (Thank you Nick) I wanted something to be easy.
And then I remembered.
Everything I learned and sometimes forget.
Being human is hard.
My memoir is about going through hard things. It’s about sitting in the crap of my reality and not knowing how to fix it. It’s about feeling lost and out of my element. It’s about confrontation. It’s about dipping my toes into a world I knew nothing about. It’s about the lies I believed. It’s about uncertainty and distrust. It’s about fear.
My memoir is about finding a way to work through hard things while believing I can. It’s about connecting with my inner knowing. It’s about understanding that I am the only one that can truly change. It’s about finding myself and feeling perfectly enchanted by the magic I possess. It’s about replacing old warn-out behaviors with sparkly new ones. It’s about acceptance and eternal forward momentum. It’s about the truth I discovered and finally believed in. It’s about asking for help from people who care about me. It’s about love.
When I was going through with my self-publishing temper tantrums, I had to recall my own teachings over and over. I had to continually remind myself that at the end of this chapter, I would be wiser and better prepared for the next chapter.
The reward is much sweeter if we can reflect on the hard work and understand at a very personal level what it took to achieve the outcome.
Never underestimate your strength.
Ask for help when you need it.
Keep a clear intention with gratitude for everything, while your dreams find you.
Stay curious. Keep learning. Embrace the challenge.
Be well- Micki- xo